luni, 13 august 2012
It hurts. It hurts like motherfucking hell. All these feelings from the past few days proved me that I am weaker than I thought. It feels like someone keeps scratching my spine with a tiny blade. And my stomach, well, my stomach it's filled with thousands of rocks and sand and still, it feels so empty. And not speaking about my heart, it is in pieces... It's an emptiness that I never felt before in my entire life. It's like someone's playing with me, and he certainly is. Why is this meant to be so complicated? Why can't we just enjoy our life, our little laughters, our endearments, our walks, our hugs, our kisses? Why do we always have to question things, to act before thinking, to let the dearest ones to be killed by pain day by day. It's a inner fight that I can't stop. "I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed". I shouldn't have responsed to your kiss back then. I realise now it was a horrible mistake, I almost regret it. But still it felt the best thing to do. Maybe I had no choice. Maybe it was destiny, but it doubt it. You are the master of your own destiny. You make it happen. You chose it, not backwards. Well, if that is true, I wish I could go back in time and beat the shit out of me until I realize that what's going to happen it's just a wandering of time. I feel like the universe it's tryin to tear me off this planet without me knowing. I need to leave all this behind me. I guess I can do this, but not right now. Maybe in time... It won't hurt so much as it hurts now. It's all my fault. I should've known better with who I'm messing around and not skipping to conclusions so quickly. But a lesson lived is a lesson learned. I'll follow my own path from now on. No one can stop me. I'm changing.